How do I even begin?

It's either at the very begining or where I am at right now right, I have so much to say I just dont know. What I do know is that lately I have been feeling in the verge of something new, I feel this old shell peeling off in time for some new growth. Kinda like lizards growing a new tail, you know. My emotions have been more in control but only if I do a mental check every morning, it is so crucial to me now. I have to tell myself that I will be in control, that my emotions wont get the best of me. I wake up when it is still dark this is also crucial for my mental health (this gives me that sense of control, I did that! I woke up and left the house before the sunrise.) I leave everything ready the night before to start off my morning right away. I get to the gym and foucs on everything I have to do for the day, and let it all go to be able to focus on my body and the muscles I move and how they move. I get lost with music playing as loud as it can go.

But on the days I dont follow my own rules, those are the days my emotions take over, all those negitive thoughts I didn't let go of in the morning coming rushing at any given moment, its turly is a wave of emotions that come when I least need them. This past year has pushed me to my limits, to the deepest ends and I brought myself back, I never though I would feel that low, not since the last time my heart was broken. I thought we all get a certian amount of breaks before there is no more. But im still going, come with me while I take you back to some old stories and then bring it back with new ones.

Everything I've been through finally feels like it happend for a purpose, finally I know that all my pain and suffering was meant for something more than just that. I always kinda knew it, but now it all in perspective.